2020 Wrapped - Music Edition: “Put Your Records On”
“All I know about music is that not many people ever really hear it. And even then, on the rare occasions when something opens within, and the music enters, what we mainly hear, or hear corroborated, are personal, private, vanishing evocations. But the man who creates the music is hearing something else, is dealing with the roar rising from the void and imposing order on it as it hits the air. What is evoked in him, then, is of another order, more terrible because it has no words, and triumphant, too, for that same reason. And his triumph, when he triumphs, is ours.”
- James Baldwin, Sonny's Blues
Baldwin’s quote from ‘Sonny’s Blues’ on the intimacy of music is the only composition of words that begins to describe my relationship with her throughout the course of this unconventional year. The following is a glimpse of my journey through my Top Songs of 2020…
I
Make It Better
Anderson .Paak, Smokey Robinson
“How do you mend when you’re worlds apart?”
I kicked off the year with my Vision Board neatly placed near my front door, a determination to carry everything solidified in 2019 into the New Year, and start Graduate school because… stability. I entered the year with friends by my side, “Senior” being added to my job title, debts getting paid, and a twin flame who wanted to “make things work” with me. In the peak of “New Year, New Me” marketing campaigns, all I wanted to do was to keep everything I had close to my chest because of the belief that anything close enough can become enough. Being specific in prayers while pushing aside responses that continually told me to make uncomfortable pivots. Telling myself that these messages are more for cognizance than action because… stability.
2020 has completely transformed my perspective on the coveted concept of stability. I assumed that it meant keeping any of the people, places, and things I’ve prayed for irregardless of the cost. This perception led me to hold onto situations for dear life that every fiber of my ancestors were pushing me to release. First, I held onto certain relationships that no longer served anyone until shifting capacity. My Polyamorous self sat there and persisted to maintain partnerships that didn’t align with my purpose and then had the nerve to wonder why I was more at peace in the comfort of my own arms than the people I was holding onto. Second, I had to remember as an Entrepreneur that it is ok to fire yourself if you are not a fit. I was the epitome of the ‘This is fine’ meme in the heart of a pandemic trying to manage a project that sparked more anxiety than creativity until giving myself permission to fulfill final milestones and let go. Last yet far from least, I had to take a step back and reconnect with myself to even remember why I want any of the things I proclaimed I did in the first place. This helped me realize that my definition of stability was worlds apart from the foundation of what brings me joy. Living in a state of constant change has provided a baseline for growth that has never managed to be controlled, yet has always gently placed me in favor beyond my wildest dreams. So how did I mend when I was worlds apart? I redefined stability and made some new memories.
II
A Love Supreme, Pt. I - Acknowledgment
John Coltrane
“A Love Supreme.”
My undying love for the soundtrack of my life, “A Love Supreme” started well before 2020 with the Spike Lee Joint, ‘Mo’ Better Blues.’ From the moment the opening sequence starts with music wrapping herself around each silhouette, I became hooked. Unlike any film I ever experienced, music was the narrator, protagonist, and antagonist of this story. She was the divine essence of every interaction between Bleek, Giant, Shadow, Indigo, Clarke, and the entire cast. Music made you feel the rawness pressed forward with Brooklyn in the backdrop. Each imperfection revealed a new layer of relatable humanity to the point where the most powerful moments were felt in her absence. Bleek no longer being able to play his trumpet created an uncomfortable feeling from challenging everything rooted in what he knew as stability. Still being able to reconnect with himself and ultimately the redefinition of what defines love is after letting go what helped him create a new legacy. “No matter what it is with God, He is gracious and merciful. His way is through love in which we all are. It is truly – A Love Supreme.” This moral was summed up by Spike Lee through a quote by John Coltrane.
‘Mo Betta Blues’ introduced me to John Coltrane and to this day I have each of the tracks of ‘A Love Supreme’ engraved on my writing arm:
Pt. I - Acknowledgement
Pt. II - Resolution
Pt. III - Pursuance
Pt. IV - Psalm
Pt. I - Acknowledgement continues to be one of the top songs of my life’s soundtrack because it is the acceptance of the truth. Not only the existence of our own truths, yet the multifaceted realities of those around us. Similar to Bleek, I reached a point where I was forced to sit in stillness despite every attempt to lean on what I knew to bring music back to me. The stillness brought clarity. God bless my patient loved ones who are doing the work so well with themselves that they are gentle with me as I am finding my way. The heart of letting go, manifesting, and loving this year has been rooted in acknowledging my own existence. “It is truly - A Love Supreme.”
III
Doo Wop (That Thing)
Ms. Lauryn Hill
“Yo, remember back on the boogie when cats used to harmonize like...”
The beginning of Lauryn Hill’s “Doo Wop” stayed on heavy rotation during the heart of the uprisings this year. Blocks around the world went from the silence of shutdowns to being filled to the brim with the fever pitch of circa 60s and 70s Black Power and revolution. We all emerged from the stale circulated air of our apartments adorned with strong voices and stronger Hepa filters out of frustration with the same injustices of yesteryear still happening today. We marched, boycotted, and brought cities to their knees with thunder in our collective voices and new heights from standing on the shoulders of our ancestors. Even as the smoke started to settle, organizations have continued to channel efforts into community initiatives, broad Buy-Black campaigns and grants, plus political policy awareness and representation. Every single victory gained from the realignment of our priorities as a people has been reminiscent of the Block Party days back on the boogie when cats used to harmonize like...
IV
Dreams - 2004 Remaster
Fleetwood Mac
“Thunder only happens when it's rainin'
Players only love you when they're playin'
Say women, they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean, you'll know”
The marketer in me wishes that I could tell you Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams” was heavily in my rotation because of the viral Ocean Spray video; however it is simply (yet greatly) because it is a feel good track. Music has a beautiful way of reminding me to be. I experienced lows from feeling nothing was in my control until I embraced the only thing I can control is my actions. After grounding in my home for six months during lockdown, I decided to start traveling again. For the past four months, I have gone through the health measures required to staycation here in the Midwest, visit Tulum; March in D.C., plus holidays in Nairobi, Dar es Salaam, Zanzibar, Orlando, Jacksonville, and Cartagena. Plus, paid out of pocket for more Covid tests and antibacterial gel than I can count. With the consistent requirement of social distancing at every destination, I’ve spent a priceless abundance of quality time with music. Sitting under the fullness of the sun with loved ones six feet apart playing the songs that make our ancestors smile. Music and travel are my love languages who have been at the heart of forward motion this year, whether it was the first time fighting the fear of walking around the block or taking that first flight with a face shield around the world. Every time I see more of the world, I see more of myself. I returned from each journey with a renewed drive to further get my house in order. “When the rain washes you clean, you’ll know.”
V
Blue World
John Coltrane
Dedication to Contemporary Jazz
2020 has also reframed the role Contemporary Jazz has played in my life. During my 35th birthday trip to East Africa, I often found myself turning to Shazam from all of the new music being introduced to my life. The new introductions were vastly different, yet one has continued to resonate more than any other…
I was introduced to a new form of Contemporary Jazz the day before my birthday. The percussion spoke a language that I haven’t heard beyond the sound of my own tongue. Perhaps this genre will remain a pleasant memory of Nairobi and yet he lingered. I found myself back in the comfort of the country I call home wanting to experience more Jazz. Each song told a different story of resilience, creativity, community, family, and love even though this genre is just getting started. The pandemic has stopped the music so there is no way I can get more of him, right? What if I go to where the beat never stopped? I handled each song with care until I abruptly scratched the surface of my favorite album from moving too quickly. Jazz continued to play through the imperfections so I decided to see him in person. Followed the sound of my heart beating so that I could be front row to the magic. Only to find, Contemporary Jazz is not new at all. He has been around for decades carving out his own distinction in a world determined to just call him Jazz as I had, when he is an original. Contemporary Jazz filled the space and commanded the respect of the room when he played because his tenure provided a safe space for each musician to shine. Getting to know this genre amplified the parts of my journey that I love and revealed the pieces that have to be let go in order for me to create long after my time adjacent to him was done. I don’t know if I will ever hear the songs as clear as I did before I scratched the surface or had the rarity to feel in person. I am grateful to know this genre exists and have taken the lessons from this experience to embrace my gifts in this beautifully “Blue World.”
Thank you, Contemporary Jazz. You don’t miss a beat.
Bonus
Put Your Records On
Corinne Bailey Rae
“Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans
I hope you get your dreams
Just go ahead, let your hair down
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow”
Corinne Bailey Rae’s “Put Your Records On” is the top song from the 2000s I played of the 26,531 minutes of music I listened to this year. In this instance, the lyrics speak for themselves.
If you’ve managed to make it this far, tell me your favorite song in the comments.
Love,
Li
